The Wheel of Life Will Run

Learn to be sincere, do good without expecting reciprocity. Learn to put aside pain and spend energy just thinking about things that do not need to be followed up.

Wait at the right time, when everything is ready, then togetherness can be a great 'gift' for people who are patient.

How tiring our lives are.  We are no longer present for everyone we talk to. We no longer place ourselves fully for someone who is before us.Our minds go places that are so far from us. Everything we do to get recognition and the need for digital content.

In that corner, no one can find you. Nobody can invite and talk to. Nobody is bothered by your screams. Nobody can laugh at your tears. This is the right place to recover, you thought.

Time is like reducing the speed of spinning, letting you enjoy the painful silence without the need to rush. The boundary between day and night began to blur. Dark and bright fused. Time keeps slowing down and slower it almost stops.

You are tormented. However, you pretend to enjoy it with a belief that out there, in the real world, life goes on much sadder because you have to be 'alone in the crowd'. A cactus in the middle of a desert. Nobody can understand you. Nobody knows how painful the wounds on your body are.

 Then you choose yourself. And continue alone. Unfortunately, you forgot. When you celebrate a sadness, you may be missing happy moments. Unfortunately, you forget that when you are alone, you are actually making people who love you feel alone and hurt.

You might also forget that life must continue, meaning must be sought, and love must continue to grow.

So, whenever you feel ready, promise you will bring your wounded body out of your own space, meet those you love and love. Talk to them as they are, cry together, or laugh at anything until your jaw aches.

17 April, 2019.

Melupakanmu, Aku Takkan Pernah Bisa

Melihat senyummu, aku merasa menjadi laki-laki yang sangat beruntung karena pernah menjadi alasan simetris itu melengkung. Setiap kali melihatmu tersenyum, senyum saya latah ikut juga. 

Mendengar renyahnya tawamu, hampir sama. Meski entah tergelak karena siapa. Walau entah oleh karena apa. Mendapati kamu bisa tertawa lagi saat ini, adalah apa yang selalu aku syukuri.

Menyaksikan perkembangan-perkembangan yang terjadi dalam hidupmu, saya bersyukur berjuta kali. Jika dulu kamu membaik karena saya, kini berkali-kali lipat kamu membaik tanpa saya. Kamu hebat. Teruslah berkembang dan jadilah dewasa yang tidak membosankan. 

Cilegon, 2 April.